That Sounds More Like Santa Fe
by AnAimlessGirl
Summary: Piper is on a road trip through the Southwest after leaving her old life behind. Alex resides in New Mexico, working to build a new life. When they meet unexpectedly in Santa Fe, their fates become entangled...again. Alex/Piper POV :: 3 years post-Season 3 :: Multi-chapter. The narrative picks up after Chapter 1. This is my first fic so reviews and favorites are MUCH appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

Piper Chapman hated the desert from an early age. During her only visit, a Chapman family road trip through the Southwest en route to Disneyland, she was miserable as the SUV slowly made its way through the barren landscape. Unlike her brothers, she could not stomach reading in the car, and, given the stilted silence that ensued during outings that forced her parents together for "quality time" with the kids, staring out the car window was her only real entertainment. She was so frustrated by the unchanging desert scenery, miles upon miles of dust and rock with huge spaces between objects on the horizon, that she felt a palpable sense of relief wash over her as the minivan crested a hill into the dense citrus groves of the San Joaquin Valley. She never wanted to experience that emptiness again. Even when traveling during those years with Alex, she always steered their movements toward crowded places: cities filled to capacity with jostling bodies or tropical paradises teeming with dense greenery.

But her months in prison had changed her perspective on lots of things, and the appeal of uninhabited space was one thing that she had reconsidered in her post-Litchfield life. Driving through the abandoned ranch land of West Texas toward New Mexico, Piper felt exhilarated. At first it had seemed that there was not much to look at: no trees, no mountains, no buildings, and, thankfully, no people. The total absence of those things, the absence of anything else that might enclose a person within a defined space, thrilled her to the core, even years after her release from prison. As her vision acclimated to her new surroundings, her eyes began to pick out the strange array of living things that roamed within this arid grassland. The desert slowly became populated by the prickly pears, armadillos, and lanky roadrunners that thrived along the banks of the arroyos. And the land that had once seemed so monotonously brown began to reveal green and purple undertones that set off the bright blue expanse of sky overhead. This place was not empty so much as it was open. Piper still had no idea where she was actually heading, but the beckoning line of dusty highway offered a glimmer of hope that she had done the right thing when she sold all her shit, climbed into her car, and left her life behind.

...

"You have a good eye. I see that you walked straight over to one of my favorite pieces in the store"

At first the customer was startled by the sudden approach, but, after looking up at Alex's smiling face, the older woman warmly returned the smile and relaxed slowly into the compliment. It still amazed Alex when people bought that line, a classic salesman's ploy rolled out so often to sell everything from mattresses to, as in this case, overpriced art pottery.

The customer, obviously flattered by the personal attention, awkwardly pulled off the enormous, SPF50+ sunhat worn by the most melanoma-obsessed tourists, to reveal a damp mop of gray hair underneath. Alex liked her job well enough, but she still missed the days when her work involved flirtation with women to whom she was actually attracted. Granted, retail sales rarely, if ever, involved sleeping with the customer, but Alex firmly believed that even the most mundane tasks could be improved by the occasional presence of young, hot women.

Moving in for the kill, she leaned toward the woman, as if sharing a private confidence between two old friends. "I should probably not be telling you this, especially since we aren't even done cataloguing it, but we just received a _very_ special piece from this same artist. I think that my boss just priced it, so, if you are interested, I could give you first crack at it before one of the local collectors pounces."

The woman flushed slightly at the proximity. "Oh well, I am not really a _collector_. My husband and I are just here in Santa Fe for vacation, and I have heard so many great things about the local pottery."

"I don't know what makes somebody an official 'collector', but you obviously recognize beauty when you see it. Look, just let me show you the piece, and, if I am right about you, I think that you will be as moved by it as I am."

Alex placed a hand on the woman's sweaty back, gently guiding her to the display case that housed the big ticket items. At the mention of the word "husband", she knew that she had to move fast because the sudden appearance of a thrifty spouse was the one thing that could ruin her pitch. After years at the store, she had easily sold more than her weight in ceramics, but these final, tense moments before locking things down still provided the day's only real excitement. Even though her life had changed so completely since the arrest ended her career as a recruiter for the cartel, Alex still loved the thrill of getting one over on a sucker.

The rest of the morning unfolded like any other. After closing the sale, Alex took her morning break and bought herself a coffee at Holy Spirit Espresso. She sat outside to drink her coffee and smoke a cigarette, her last remaining vice and the only one that she had resumed after Litchfield. The tourists paid no attention as they passed her on the street, hustling back and forth between the O'Keefe Museum and the Palace of the Governors. After this morning's success, she knew that she was unlikely to encounter another easy mark today so she felt in no hurry to return to her post. She just sat there in the sun, eyes focused on nothing in particular, trying to piece together a life from the remnants that her piss-poor decisions had left her.

...

 _As if playing some paranoid version of the game Clue, Alex had spent months trying to guess the details of her own death: incinerated in her apartment by an arsonist, stabbed in an alley by a stranger disguised as a mugger, or, more recently, beaten to death in the shower by an inmate. So many violent scenarios had played out in her head, but she had been wrong about all of it. Aydin was going to shoot her in the greenhouse with the gun that he just pulled out of his waistband. She barely moved when she saw him approach, weakly protesting, "You don't have to do this."_

 _"_ _Yeah, I do," he retorted, and she fell silent. Why fight him when she had nothing left? Anger flared in her chest when she thought about the course of her life over the last decade. Growing up poor, she had to be the tougher and smarter than the average, never letting her guard down, to make a place for herself. She clawed her way to the life she wanted, but, just as quickly, stronger forces, from death to the cartel to the justice system, laid claim to everything that she had earned. Piper had still been hers, even in prison, but now she was also gone, transformed into a stranger. Alex was not going to beg for a life that had always twisted out of her control. She was done._

 _Deciding to experience her final seconds in the world without struggling, Alex just stood placidly before Aydin, even as the door opened noiselessly behind him. Unsettled by Alex's blank expression, he did not notice Lolly as she made her way into the greenhouse by creeping delicately across the floorboards. Once directly behind Aydin, Lolly raised the shard of glass stolen from a broken window days before, and she quickly reached up to drag it across the man's throat, releasing a steady stream of his arterial blood into the air._

 _Alex shut her eyes out of instinct when blood splattered against her, and she backed away blindly until her body hit the greenhouse wall. She remained in that position as she heard Aydin collapse to the floor with a gurgling sound. He writhed wordlessly with his boots scraping against the floor until a thick silence descended upon the greenhouse. When Alex finally opened her eyes, Aydin lay motionless in a blood-drenched heap. Lolly had somehow managed to avoid the mess, and she was now standing over Aydin, tentatively poking him with her foot. Deciding that it was safe, she dropped her weapon and declared triumphantly, "See. I TOLD you that toothpick guy was bad news."_

 _Alex could only nod dumbly in agreement. Lolly strutted around the body, clearly proud of her last minute intervention. While Alex was deeply grateful, it was hard to celebrate her narrow escape knowing that she and Lolly were implicated in the death of a guard. The wheels in her mind began to turn as her eyes settled on the shovels hanging neatly in the cage at the back of the greenhouse. If they could just sneak out without anybody noticing..._

 _The alarm rang out in the greenhouse, followed shortly by the voices of guards barking orders in the distance. Alex shook her head in disbelief as she realized that some OTHER disturbance on the grounds had triggered lockdown protocol, and it would not be long before guards arrived to clear the greenhouse. She felt the sudden urge to bolt, but one look at her blood-stained clothes excluded that option. Fatigue overwhelmed her as she strained to conjure a feasible exit strategy out of thin air. Spooked by the alarm, Lolly implored, "What are we gonna do now, man?"_

 _Alex had no idea. She was so exhausted from trying to manipulate every aspect of her life for so long that she wanted nothing more than to rest. She dragged her fingers through her hair before telling Lolly, "YOU are going to get the fuck out of here while you still can." She slid down to the floor, ignoring Lolly completely from that point onward, until her savior stomped reluctantly out of the greenhouse, slamming the door behind her. Left alone, Alex closed her eyes again and waited for the uncertain future to unfold before her._

...

Piper arrived in Albuquerque later than expected, well past midnight, and she booked herself into a chain motel off Interstate 40. She decided to stay there rather than Santa Fe because the motels were markedly cheaper, and she was struggling to maintain her ever-dwindling bank account. As she emerged from her room in the late morning, the daylight provided a full explanation for the price discrepancy. Green mountains beckoned on the horizon, but, in her immediate vicinity, a single story smear of box stores and housing developments spread out in all directions, like some suburban fungus that threatened to consume the surrounding landscape.

Wanting to exercise a bit after days in the car, Piper walked along the shoulder of a decidedly pedestrian-unfriendly boulevard to a local cafe. After ordering a coffee and some pancakes, she settled back into the booth with her phone and planned her itinerary for the day. She knew that she wanted to check out Santa Fe, especially the Georgia O'Keefe museum, so she would try to get there before noon. Until now, she had only seen a couple of O'Keefe paintings on display at different museums. There had been a huge O'Keefe retrospective at the MOMA when she was living in New York, but she rarely visited museums in those days. Piper could not help smiling to herself as she remembered her failed attempts to talk Alex out of bed during museum hours.

"Look, if we leave now, we can get there an hour or two before closing. I know that you hate this stuff, but these retrospective exhibits are rare."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Pipes, I JUST woke up, and I am not scrambling across town this early to stare at a bunch of thinly disguised pussy paintings."

"Actually, O'Keefe really resented the common interpretation of her flower paintings as sexual. She insisted that those works functioned primarily as meditations on color and shape."

"Whatever you say, professor, but your argument just make me LESS interested." A sly grin crossed her face as she looked up at Piper from the bed. "Besides, I can think of better ways to show my appreciation for the beauty of the female anatomy."

Piper could still picture her girlfriend stretched languidly across the mattress, with rumpled black hair and hooded eyes, making no effort to comply because she _knew_ how this argument would end. Considering her options, Piper repeatedly reached the conclusion that staying in bed with Alex Vause was also a singular experience so she was not too disappointed when the retrospective closed.

She had not seen or heard from Alex in more than three years, and more than a decade had passed since their New York days, but Piper had learned over the subsequent years to live with the constant, low-level eruption of these memories. She could never be sure if lingering feelings for Alex, or the way that Alex had just vanished so completely from her life, enabled these moments from the past to bubble up into the present. It really made no difference either way so Piper returned her focus to the day ahead, and, after settling her check, she braved the dangerous walk back to her car for the drive to Santa Fe.

...

 _Settled into their bunks for the lockdown, Piper snorted derisively when Big Boo shouted to her across the dorm, "Hey Chapman! Word on the street is that your ex killed a guard." She shrugged it off as rumor on a chaotic day that included a walk-out by the guards and a mass escape through a hole in the perimeter fence. More importantly, she was not going to panic when her employees would relish the opportunity to see her squirm._

 _Then the lockdown continued into the next day. Inmates were confined to the dorm except for meals and strictly assigned shower times. Extra guards, including the veterans from the walk-out, patrolled the dorms with a focused ferocity. Bunks got tossed, inmates were pulled aside for strip searches, and dozens of women were thrown into SHU at the slightest resistance. Gossip about a guard murdered in the greenhouse circulated widely, but Piper clung to the hope that Alex was not involved. With so many women in solitary, an empty bunk could mean anything._

 _Then Gerber arrived to clean out Alex's bunk, and she stopped pretending. Alex had killed a guard, and she had been sent to max. The truth seeped into her brain, forcing Piper to envisage how scared Alex must have been to really harm anybody, especially a guard. Nobody had been there to help, and the thought of Alex, all alone and on her way to max, unleashed a blind fury within Piper. She ran up to Gerber, bringing her face within inches of his, and screamed, "What the hell do you think you're doing, you prepubescent little shit? Get the fuck out of her cube!" Within seconds, half a dozen guards had tackled her to the ground._

 _Piper went willingly to the SHU because a stay in solitary changed nothing. It did not change how her mind would seize up, overcome suddenly by the riddle of what had happened in the greenhouse. It did not change how Piper replayed her actions on a continuous loop, picking apart every selfish decision, every lie, that had set Alex on this path. It did not change how she dreaded sleep because dreams of Alex forced her to relive her loss every time that she blinked into wakefulness. Piper waited listlessly for the seconds to pass in her tiny cell just as she would anywhere else so she felt no relief when a guard appeared at her door to gather her into the transport van._

 _Rather than being led to the dorm, she was herded into the rec room where she was seated at a table across from half a dozen people, including Caputo and Berdie. The others were unfamiliar, but Piper pegged them as lawyers by their formal suits and briefcases._

 _One of them addressed her immediately, "Ms. Chapman, thank you so much for joining us. We have convened an informal panel to review the events that led up to the unfortunate altercation between Ms. Vause and Aydin Solak on prison grounds last Tuesday. Ms. Vause has indicated to us that you met Mr. Solak on several occasions while traveling in Europe, and we thought that you could provide some additional background information..."_

 _Piper remembered Aydin. He had traveled with Fahri, never saying much, but he had always leered at Piper and Alex like they existed as a couple to titillate Kubra's cronies. Her face flushed with outrage as the details of Alex's "unfortunate altercation" came into focus._

 _Piper spoke up with stony-faced clarity, "Are you honestly telling me that you corporate fuck faces had your heads so far up your asses that you hired a hit man from a drug cartel as a fucking prison guard? That Ms. Vause, as you so politely refer to her, was attacked by that guard in this goddamn shit hole under everybody's noses? Based on what you've told me, you've spoken to Ms. Vause so I guess that she survived. Phew! No harm, no foul, am I right? And now you want ME to help YOU understand how it is that you fucked up so badly?" Piper inched up in her seat , cooing with mock enthusiasm, "Tell me how I can help!"_

 _The lawyer barely reacted to Piper's outburst. "Before we go on, let me assure you that Ms. Vause is alive and well, and she has been very helpful to our investigation." He glanced at his notes before continuing, "We understand your anger, Ms. Chapman, and we share your frustration. Our human resources handbook clearly mandates background checks for all prison employees in accordance with local, state, and federal regulations. We are appalled by the alleged hiring of a known felon, and we are working hard to identify those responsible."_

 _Piper was infuriated by the corporate doublespeak, but, before plowing back into her polemic, she paused to reflect on who had been the true menace. "It's all in your head," she had reprimanded Alex, disciplining her like a toddler. It had given her a thrill to belittle her girlfriend's fear of Kubra as proof that prison had made Piper street-smart. She rubbed her eyes wearily at the memory. No, she was not the right person to scream at random bureaucrats for not protecting Alex Vause. Feeling depleted of righteous indignation, Piper answered the rest of the questions with mechanical efficiency. When the panel adjourned for the day, Piper greeted Berdie as she passed, "I am surprised to see you here."_

 _"_ _Well, the higher-ups have been re-evaluating most of the recent personnel decisions so I'm back. Just in time for...whatever this is supposed be," she said, waving her hands at the lawyers. "You doing okay, Chapman? I know that this must be a lot to handle."_

 _Piper sighed, eyes glistening, "I am just glad that Alex isn't in max." Hearing her own words, she realized that Alex could be anywhere, and fresh panic surfaced. "At least, it doesn't seem like she would be sent to max, right? That asshole came here to KILL her. But why isn't she here? Where the fuck is she?" She was practically screaming at this point so Berdie grabbed Piper in a bear hug to pacify her._

 _Berdie spoke in a soothing tone, "Chapman, you need to RELAX before you end up back in the SHU. Don't jump to any conclusions. This whole thing sucks, but I can't discuss Vause's file with you. It's against protocol" At the same time, Piper felt Berdie slip a piece of paper into the pocket of her sweatshirt. Whispering in her ear, Berdie added, "If you ever want to talk about Vause...in private," she paused briefly, "you come to my office, and we can discuss things." Then Berdie let go of Piper and continued on her way, as if nothing had passed between them._

 _Clutching the note in her pocket, Piper jogged to her dorm as quickly as the guards would allow. Other inmates filled the halls, and she realized for the first time that the lockdown had ended. Finding the dorm mostly empty, she immediately unfolded the paper with trembling fingers. She recognized the handwriting._

 ** _Pipes,_**

 ** _I have no idea whether you even care at this point, but I want to let you know that I am safe. Finally. I am sorry that I can't say anything more specific. I keep trying to tell you that you don't want you to end up like me, and I hope that this shit storm finally convinces you. Please stay out of trouble._**

 ** _Alex_**

 _When Piper finished reading, she dropped her head into her hands, letting the note flutter to the floor. She choked out sobs of relief. She could let Alex go knowing that she was protected. Piper's stomach still turned at the memory of how she had treated her girlfriend in those last weeks, but the guilt fueled her belief that Alex had finally gotten a chance for a real life, as long as she stayed far away from Litchfield._

 _As memories of the lockdown faded, the inmates fell back into the daily routines of life in prison. The executives at Whispers Inc. decided quietly that the sweat shop had become financially untenable due to the "unstable security environment" at Litchfield. Although the closure meant the abrupt demise of Piper's panty enterprise, she had lost her appetite for crime so she returned willingly to the tedium of electrical. After months of failing her girlfriend so completely, she wanted to honor Alex's last request: Piper was going to stay out of trouble. She owed Alex that much, at least._

...

By mid-afternoon, business had slowed to a crawl so Alex retreated to the storeroom to pack shipments for on-line orders. She heard the bell on the front door ring once, but she assumed that her boss could handle things up front. Within seconds, she could hear him engage a couple in conversation about their excellent taste in ceramics. She smirked at the familiar line and returned to the task at hand until she heard the bell ring again. Her boss was still occupied so, after putting the finishing touches on an outgoing package, she emerged from the back, ready for battle.

Her boss had already maneuvered the couple over to the expensive merchandise at the back of the store, leaving a single woman bent over the jewelry case near the entrance. While Alex could only see her from behind, she understood at once that this customer was no sagging baby boomer looking to unload some retirement savings. Her body was smooth and lean, with tanned limbs on full display in cut-offs and a white tank top. Of course, she was blonde, still Alex's preference and a perennial weakness. Not quite believing her amazing luck for the day, Alex slid herself beside the woman, leaning an elbow on the jewelry case as she purred, "See anything you like?"

The woman jerked up from the case at the sound of her voice, as if recoiling from an electric shock, and Alex found herself staring into the brilliant blue eyes of Piper Chapman. The surprise of the encounter immobilized both women instantly, and Alex took the brief opportunity to cycle through every possible emotion that could be ascribed to this moment. Unable to pick one, Alex just maintained her relaxed position against the counter, looking simultaneously awkward and oddly casual.

Piper whispered "Alex? Is it really you?". She reached her hands toward Alex's face, as if to touch her, and, just as suddenly, dropped her arms back to her sides. Alex remained locked in her rigid pose, and Piper responded by nervously shifting her weight from side to side, an old habit familiar to her ex. Piper raised her voice as she repeated, "Alex! Can you hear me?"

She was not quite yelling, but Alex could see her boss glance over briefly before continuing his sales pitch. Although Alex had no idea how to begin this conversation, she wanted desperately to avoid a commotion. She pushed herself up off the counter with considerable effort, and, once upright, she was able to really _see_ Piper. Alex let out a defeated sigh as a subdued longing roared to life within her.

Still unsure of what to say, she struggled to form her words in a measured tone of voice. "Piper, this is truly fucking crazy, and I am sure that you have a lot of questions. I don't know how much you understand about my current situation, but I CANNOT talk to you about this right here, right now." Extending a finger toward the exit, she continued, "I can meet you right outside that door, after I get off work at six, and we can talk some more. Okay?" Alex stopped speaking as her thoughts clouded again with bewilderment. Now she could only point at the door.

Piper raised her hands in a sympathetic gesture of surrender. "Okay. I get it. I will come back when you are ready. I...I don't want to cause you any trouble." Alex slowly relaxed her outstretched arm as Piper made her way to the exit. Before disappearing through the door, Piper turned back to Alex and smiled tenderly, "It's good to see your face." Then she was gone.

Alex was staring at the door, muscles trembling from nerves, when another customer entered the store to wander amidst the vases. She did what any professional would do. She approached the man, introduced herself with a smile, and assured him that she would be back to assist him within moments. After securely locking herself into the bathroom, she leaned back against the wall to steady herself, at last allowing the tears to roll down her cheeks. Eventually, Alex rolled her gaze upward with a trace of a smile on her lips as she muttered, to nobody in particular, "Are you fucking kidding me?"


	2. Chapter 2

As Alex studied the menu on the wall of Holy Spirit Espresso, Piper could stare unabashedly at her ex-girlfriend's startlingly _red_ hair. Although the change came as a shock on a day replete with them, Piper, exhilarated by the reality of standing next to Alex, was willing to accept anything. The auburn hair, coupled with the absence of her secretary glasses, had rendered Alex superficially unrecognizable, but Piper had known her at the instant when she heard that _voice_ in the gallery, her heart clenching reflexively at the deep timbre. Now presented with the opportunity to to inspect her more closely, Piper could discern Alex's fierce beauty amidst the alterations, triggering a wave of desire that threatened to knock her off her feet.

"Are you separate or together?" the barista asked Piper as she stepped to the counter after Alex had ordered and moved aside. He blinked at her expectantly, but she struggled for an answer, overwhelmed by the broader implications of the question.

"Separate, I think," she dithered, and she saw Alex smirk in her peripheral vision. Coffees in hand, they moved to a small outdoor area and selected a table to share. As they sat down, their history crowded the tiny space.

After surveying their immediate surroundings, Alex leaned across the table and whispered, "Look, Piper, my life is really fucking complicated-"

"You're in witness protection. I get it," Piper interrupted.

"Pretty much...yeah." Alex shot her an incredulous look. "Wait. How can you be so sure?"

"Santa Fe, Alex? There is NO WAY that you would live here unless federal agents forced you to."

Alex rolled her eyes but did not argue. "Anyway, I am really not supposed to have any contact with people from before so..." She sighed deeply before continuing, "I just don't see how this is going to work."

Piper was not surprised. When Alex left work for the day, she barely cracked a smile as Piper scampered over to greet her. After agreeing to talk over coffee, they walked the sidewalk without a word, separating often to accommodate the passing tourists, and Piper had used the quiet time to prepare for the rejection that was now delivered. She suspected that their turbulent relationship scared Alex at least as much as the rules imposed by witness protection. Piper shared her worries, but she was not ready to watch Alex walk away from their table into oblivion so she searched for the words that would simplify their convoluted story.

Piper began tentatively, "Just hear me out. I was thinking about this whole thing all afternoon, and I get that you can't contact people from your past." She leaned in, gaining momentum. "But what if I am just some stranger who wandered into your store, and we struck up a conversation? I can be that person. I have been traveling on my own for a few weeks, and I DO feel lonely so It doesn't seem strange for me to ask you out for a coffee." Piper smiled as she added, "I am sure that I am not the first to ask. Besides, I just want to chat for a bit. I don't see any reason to tell anybody about it, and I DEFINITELY don't want to discuss my past at this point. Between you and me, I have done some embarrassing things that I would rather keep to myself. So...how does that sound?"

Alex squinted skeptically at the proposition, but she seemed amused by Piper's efforts. Her expression softened before she replied, "Yeah, I guess that's okay."

Piper's heart pounded at the unlikelihood of her victory, but she launched into the charade without hesitation. "So, kind...pottery merchant, since you agreed to meet me for coffee, it only seems appropriate to ask your name?"

"Alex."

"No, I mean your NEW name," Piper whispered, biting her lip in anticipation.

"That IS my name. I got to choose so I kept Alex." She shrugged her shoulders. "It's just easier."

"Is that safe?"

Alex scoffed, "I changed my LAST name. Jesus, I'm not THAT lazy."

"So what's your full name?" Piper asked.

"That's a little forward, don't you think?" Alex teased. "Maybe we should get to know each other better before we exchange personal information." She leaned back in her chair, taking pleasure in the game that Piper had initiated. "But I wouldn't mind being on a first-name basis. It's Piper, isn't it?" Piper nodded, blushing slightly. "Well, Piper, why don't you tell me more about how you ended up here? You said that you were on a trip?"

"Sort of. I was living in New York, working a job that I loathed, and, a few weeks ago, I just sort of realized that I could just...wipe the slate clean." She swept her arm across the table for emphasis, and Alex grinned at the theatrics. Piper added, "So I quit my job, broke my lease, and now I don't know if I am traveling or moving or what."

"What brought about this mid-life crisis? Or should I call it a vision quest to keep things more 'Santa Fe'?" Alex quipped.

Piper wanted to preserve the ease developing between them so her heart sank at the question. She responded cautiously, "Actually...my mom died a couple of months ago."

Alex looked away, and Piper worried that their fantasy had been disrupted, perhaps irreversibly. Instead, Alex lifted her eyes in thought for a moment before replying, without a hint of sarcasm, "I am really sorry to hear that, kid. I lost my mom a while ago so I know how much it fucking sucks."

Piper fought back tears provoked by Alex's unanticipated empathy. She pictured herself, watching HBO on her parent's couch, at the very moment that Alex tossed dirt on her mother's coffin, and her ex-girlfriend's capacity for forgiveness floored Piper with shame. She gathered herself with some difficulty before elaborating, "She had been sick for a year and a half. Cancer. So we were kind of prepared."

Alex nodded in understanding, and Piper regarded her tenderly across the table, so grateful to occupy the same space. She shook her shoulders as a gesture to clear the air and continued, "Anyway, this is pretty heavy for a chat over coffee, but I wanted to explain my motivation for the trip. Let's just say it's a cliche, 'feeling my mortality', kind of thing."

"Death can be very motivating," Alex confirmed.

"Right? But enough about me. I would love to hear about how you got into the art pottery game..."

They talked with an easy rapport, carefully corralling the discussion whenever it strayed from shallow, present-day topics. Piper was especially vigilant, wanting to fortify the flimsy bridge that was being built between them. As the flow of their conversation gathered into a torrent, they did not notice the baristas who emerged on to the patio to gather mugs from unoccupied tables.

"I guess that we better go," Alex said, glancing at the grumpy workers noisily stacking chairs behind them.

As Alex stood up from the table, Piper dreaded their potential separation. She snapped into action, declaring hastily "Let's see a movie!" Before Alex could reply, Piper jumped up to grab a weekly paper from a nearby rack and returned to the table. Flipping to the film section, Piper ran her finger down the listings until she found the first movie that started within the hour. "Look, this is perfect. 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' is playing outdoors at a downtown park. We could walk!"

"YOU want to watch 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'?" Alex eyed her doubtfully.

Piper protested, "Don't presume to know my tastes so soon after meeting me. What's wrong with 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'? Have you seen it already?"

"Well, I WAS born in the eighties so what do you think?" Piper took the snark as a repudiation until Alex added, "But, like every lesbian born in the eighties, I nursed a childhood crush on Marion so I'll always love that movie. What about you?"

"Actually, I was more into Harrison Ford," Piper answered sheepishly.

Alex sniggered before clarifying, "Thanks for the flashback to your nascent bisexuality, Pipes, but I was asking whether you had seen the movie."

Piper grimaced at her mistake. "Oh, I see. Well, I watched it on t.v. with my brothers, but I wouldn't mind seeing it on the big screen. Are you interested?"

"Yes, Piper, I would love to watch 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' with you," Alex replied with mock formality.

They stopped at a food truck to pick up some tacos before continuing to the park. After settling into the grass between some older couples and a rowdy herd of teenagers, Piper spied a convenience store across the street. She popped to her feet, saying, "I have a great idea! Be right back." She ducked into the liquor store and purchased a fifth of cheap vodka from a display behind the cashier. Waving the bottle in the air as she jogged back to Alex, Piper shouted, "Now it's a picnic!"

Alex inquired, "Are you trying to get me drunk or something?"

"Of course!" Piper responded breathlessly, allowing herself to flirt a little, but Alex seemed unamused. Afraid that she had overstepped, Piper backpedaled. "Um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"Pipes, it's fine. Really," Alex proclaimed gently. "It's just...I quit drinking about three years ago.

Piper's eyes widened with surprise. "Oh my God. I am so sorry, Al. I...I didn't realize. Not that I'm sorry that you quit drinking. It's GREAT, Alex. Really, really great. Way to go!"

"BREATHE, Pipes," Alex laughed. "Believe it or not, it's not that big of a deal. Feel free to drink your fill."

Piper continued to jabber, still acclimating to the idea of a sober Alex. "No, that would just be weird if I drank, wouldn't it? At least, l would feel weird about it. I'm just gonna go throw the bottle into the trash."

"Fine, don't drink, but don't waste the booze, for fuck's sake," Alex grumbled jokingly. Before Piper could throw the fifth away, Alex snatched the bottle and passed it into the eager hands of the teenagers behind them. The raucous cheers of gratitude drove the killjoys in their immediate vicinity to more tranquil areas of grass.

Piper surveyed the commotion. "Wow, Alex. Way to be a bad influence."

"You have no idea." Alex winked mischievously, sending shockwaves through Piper.

They grappled with their messy tacos as the movie started. After finishing her meal, Piper lay back in the grass, propped up on her elbows. Hidden from Alex's view, Piper studied this person who had yet again disrupted the unremarkable trajectory of her life. She marveled at how the light from the screen danced across her ex-girlfriend's pale skin until she was caught staring when Alex peered over her shoulder. Piper returned her eyes to the screen, her cheeks burning, as Alex stretched out on to the ground next to her. Piper's body tingled with expectation, but they reclined chastely beside one another for the duration of the movie.

When the end credits rolled, the drunk teenagers bounded effortlessly into the night as Alex and Piper rose rise stiffly from the grass. Their creaking bones prompted Alex to comment, "Not quite as spry as we were in the old days, huh?" She cocked her head playfully before admitting, "That was fun, Pipes."

Piper's pulse quickened at the encouragement. "What should we do now?" Drinks are probably out of the question..." She trailed off, unsure of how to keep the evening going without alcohol or sex.

An uneasiness developed as they both felt the the day's events drawing to a close. Alex spoke first, "Well, there's not much going on here after ten, and I'm getting pretty tired so...maybe we should call it a night?" It was phrased as a question, but Piper knew better. Sober or not, Alex Vause did not sleep before midnight. It was time to go.

"Whatever you want, Al." Piper conceded, then pleaded in a soft tone, "Walk me to my car?"

A slight trace of panic crossed Alex's face before she responded, "Sure. Why not?"

Strolling along the sleepy streets, the conversation stalled. Piper did not dare to speak, unsure of whether they were walking toward a typical goodbye or a more permanent one. When they entered the parking garage, she remembered too late that she had her mother's car. She tried her best to walk nonchalantly to the lone vehicle on the floor, a gigantic white Buick with vanity plates that read "CHAPCAR".

Alex pounced. "Nice wheels, Pipes. I know that we're getting on in years, but you have really embraced your inner senior citizen."

Piper decided to lean into the insult. Stroking the roof of the car, she boasted "You're just jealous of my sweet ride. You know that you want to cruise the streets of Santa Fe with me."

Alex chuckled as she answered, "Don't tempt me." It was a joke, but the choice of words caused a subtle shift in the air. The amused expression fell slowly from her face as they maintained eye contact, and Piper just knew. "Pipes..." Alex hesitated, but Piper grabbed her wrist and pulled her across the space between them. They kissed gently, but soon they were feverish with need, grasping at each other as if no single point of contact was enough. Piper was sinking into a delicious delirium when Alex pulled away suddenly.

Catching her breath, Alex protested, "Piper, no. I need things to slow down...like right now. I don't want to fuck things up again." Her frantic eyes searched for solace in Piper's face.

"No, I understand. It's...It's fine. I'm totally fine with it." Piper _aspired_ to be fine, to support Alex in her mature decision, but her thinking was muddied with desire. "But let me show you something," she bargained as she stepped to Alex, grabbing her hand again and slipping it into her cut-offs past her underwear. She whispered into Alex's ear, "Can you feel how much I still want you?"

Alex's eyelids fluttered closed, obscuring her reaction, but she did not withdraw her hand. As soon as she opened her eyes, she pushed Piper back against the car, kissing her hard, quickly finding the right rhythm between Piper's legs. Without any consideration to where she was, Piper unbuttoned her shorts and pulled them down her hips, her body keeping time with Alex. She came quickly, tugging Alex into her as she shuddered violently. She remained pinned against the car, her face buried in Alex's hair, until she recovered deliberate movement.

When she lifted her head, Alex would not meet her gaze. "Piper, that was a mistake. It's hard for me to stop when you...I can't stop myself. I told you that I needed things to slow down." She withdrew her hand slowly from Piper and stepped away from the car, replacing the distance between them. "For ONCE, It would have been really great for you to stop to consider what I needed. What I was ASKING for." The unwelcome past had finally disturbed the mirage of their fresh start.

Regret surged through Piper as she scrambled for a turn of phrase that would recover the intimacy between them. "I...I didn't force anything. It felt like something you wanted, too," she defended herself feebly.

Alex crossed her arms as she growled, "Jesus Christ, Piper, you sound like a frat boy justifying a drunken hook-up. OF COURSE, I want you, but I want lots of things, most of which are really fucking bad for me." The bitterness in her voice rang clear. "I see that you are still a master at playing me like a fucking fiddle. Congratulations."

Each word landed like a separate blow. Feeling suddenly exposed, Piper began to pull up her cut-offs. As she fumbled with her fly, she whispered, "Alex, I am so, so sorry. I...I didn't think..."

"But why start now, right? God, I am SO fucking stupid. How could I have let myself get back here?" Alex yelled, clenching her fists. Their accrued blunders had strained their connection to its breaking point, and Piper knew the words before Alex uttered them. "I'm out of this, Piper. I can't handle any more of your bullshit." Those words, like Alex's footsteps out of the empty garage, echoed in Piper's brain.

...

 _"_ _That's the ticket!" Piper exclaimed as she pulled the top off a shoebox, revealing a stack of faded polaroids that appeared to date from the late seventies. The funeral home had requested family photos for a slideshow to be played at the start of her mom's memorial service, and she had spent the last few hours accumulating a diverse collection of photos from dusty albums. Still on the hunt for pictures of her parents as newlyweds, she pulled the polaroids from the box and started flipping through them. She immediately found an image that fit her criteria. Her father, sporting the requisite mustache of the era, gazed into her mother's eyes as she sat on his lap with his arms wrapped tightly around her waste. The sloppy grins on their faces revealed a couple very much in love, even if their noses were red with drunkenness. Piper held up the photo, asking, "Do you remember where this was taken?"_

 _"_ _What?" her dad called out from her mother's closet as he rummaged through her clothes. Piper pursed her lips, annoyed that he had already begun the process of purging her mom's things. Walking over to him, she repeated, "Do you remember where this photo was taken?"_

 _He emerged from the closet and inspected the photo in her hand. "Oh, sure. That was taken when I was still in business school. I think that's from a New Year's party at the Carver's house. Gosh, we look a little drunk, don't we?" her father commented, chuckling at the memory._

 _The fresh, giddy couple did not square with Piper's memory of her parents, and she wondered how the infatuation captured in the photo had transformed into the pragmatic partnership that dominated her childhood. She asked her father timidly, "Did you love her?"_

 _He furrowed his brow, insulted by the question. "What are you asking me, Piper? Don't you know that I miss your mother?"_

 _Treading lightly, she explained, "Dad, I know that you really cared for her, and she knew it, too. But were you always IN LOVE with her?"_

 _"_ _You have read too many romance novels. I knew that degree in comparative literature was a mistake," he replied in a stern tone. "Your mother and I stayed together for over forty years, and we raised three children. You tell me what that means." When his anger brought tears to Piper's eyes, he squeezed her shoulder gently. He lowered his voice and continued, "Piper, love is not a party. It's a series of decisions. That may not be 'romantic' enough for you, but that's the truth."_

 _Piper remembered watching her father from afar as he kissed a strange woman, their bodies pressed against the family Volvo, and she felt compelled to pursue the issue. "What do YOUR decisions tell me about whether you loved mom?"_

 _Her dad stiffened at the question. Regarding the photo again, he replied, "If you look at ALL the choices that I made while I was with your mother, I hope you can see that I tried. I am just lucky that she always gave me the opportunity to follow a bad decision with a better one." Unused to frank conversation, her father retreated to the closet. "I sound like Dr. Phil or something. Anyway, you should include that photo in the slideshow."_

 _Piper returned to the shoebox, a little shaken by the honest exchange. The minutes passed in silence until her father reemerged from the closet, holding a blue cocktail dress that her mom had worn before she fell ill. His lips trembled as he spluttered, "Here it is! This...this was her favorite. I think that she would like this...this would be good for...I think that we should bury her in this dress, don't you?"_

 _Amazed by how little she knew about her father, Piper studied him briefly before responding, "Yeah, dad, I think that's the one."_


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: thanks to all the readers who have stuck with this fic! Again, I am new to writing fan fiction so I appreciate your gentle comments. A few of you have expressed worry about whether I intend to finish the story. Rest assured: I have 5 (mostly) complete chapters out of a total of 7 or 8. I hope that you are enjoying the story!**

 **...**

Alex awoke to her alarm, and her eyes burned. Realizing that she had forgotten to take out her contacts, she stumbled her way to the bathroom to painfully extract the sticky lenses. She winced when she caught her sunken face in the mirror, evidence of the toll that the last twenty-four hours had taken. She returned to her bedroom and rifled through her nightstand drawer until she found an old pair of glasses to wear. With her improved vision, she spotted an unfamiliar sweater crumpled on the rug, and she groaned in recognition of the banal tactic. This was not the first time that a woman had "forgotten" a personal item in Alex's apartment, hoping that further contact would lead to romance.

She rarely fell into such traps these days, but the previous evening with Piper had disoriented her. After their encounter in the garage, Alex practically sprinted out to the street, reeling from a mixture of rage and arousal. Emerging into the cool night air, she cursed at herself on the walk back to her car, disheartened by her predictable behavior. Still regretting how she had been manhandled by Piper during her second stretch at Litchfield, Alex had planned to keep her distance until she could decipher her ex-girlfriend's motives, but she could not restrain herself from fucking Piper in a public place after only a few hours together.

Wanting to regain some semblance of control, the waning hours of Alex's evening unfolded just as predictably. Although she had no plans to drink, she made a beeline for a local dive bar. Within minutes of ordering her club soda, she locked eyes with a thirty-ish, tattooed hipster, and it only took a few minutes more to charm her into bed. Alex expected to savor her easy conquest, but she took no pleasure in the stranger's haphazard, groping advances. The rhythm, the feel, and the _need_ of it was all wrong, and, after squeezing her eyes shut in concentration for a few minutes, she admitted defeat, faking it for the first time in ages. As soon as she could retrieve the woman from between her legs, she swept her out the door with a parting kiss on the cheek.

Too rushed to regret this latest mistake on a hectic morning, Alex brushed her teeth, gathered her hair into a messy bun, kept the glasses, and hurried out the door. She did not want to miss the Narcotics Anonymous meeting where she was supposed to join a young woman, fresh out of rehab, whom Alex had agreed to sponsor. As with all her new sponsees, Alex checked in with her at an early meeting everyday for a couple of months to keep the girl focused on her sobriety.

After being placed in Santa Fe, Alex had returned to N.A. more out of loneliness than out of a fear that she would use again. Although she could not discuss the specifics of her work with the cartel, the meetings provided a safe venue where she could talk openly about life as an addict and an ex-con. As she became a regular contributor at meetings, her entertaining tales of survival attracted the attention of newly recovering addicts. She initially declined requests to be a sponsor, ambivalent about helping entitled college kids to recover from their expensive oxycodone addictions. Once she finally agreed to sit down with prospective sponsees, Alex was forced to accept that most, even the college kids, had suffered terribly during their lives. Knowing that she had profited for years from supplying drugs to addicts, she figured that she owed it to these people to help when she could.

Arriving a few minutes early, Alex did not see her sponsee so she situated herself in a conspicuous location near the door. This was a favorite meeting, comprised mostly of old-timers whose stories put her own to shame. Alex watched as the designated moderator wrote out the day's topic of discussion, in this case a quote from recovery literature, on a white board at the front of the room:

 **The moment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive. To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on the wrongs he has done us. This is especially true if he has, in fact, behaved badly at all. Triumphantly we seize upon his misbehavior as the perfect excuse for minimizing or forgetting our own.**

"Of course," Alex muttered to herself, shifting her position in discomfort. Remorse bubbled to the surface as she thought about her outburst in the garage. Her anger had not subsided overnight, but, with no way to contact Piper, Alex had squandered any chance to reconsider her last words. The abrupt ending to their reunion felt like entering witness protection all over again.

To make matters worse, her sponsee missed the meeting, and she did not answer when Alex tried her cell. Aware that relapse rarely ended well for a heroin addict, Alex had to conceal her worry as she left the girl a cheerful voicemail. When she eventually slouched into work, her boss, afraid that Alex's haggard appearance would put off customers, sent her right back out the door with orders to recuperate over a cup of coffee. She walked to Holy Sprit Espresso in a fog, barely registering the sidewalk in front of her.

After ordering a triple espresso, Alex sneaked out to the patio for a quick smoke, and she noticed Piper sitting at a table near the back. She had clearly been watching the door, bouncing up from her seat at the moment that Alex stepped outside. As Piper, wearing the cut-offs from the night before, crossed the distance between them, desire caught Alex briefly off guard, but she steadied herself for the imminent confrontation. Piper called out to her as she approached, "Alex."

"Yeah?" she snorted in reply, concealing her relief at seeing Piper again.

"Can we talk for a bit?" Failing to get a response, Piper added, "No more bullshit...I promise."

Alex frowned but indicated her consent by tipping her head toward Piper's table. Sitting down across from Piper, _again_ , she felt doomed to repeat this scene in perpetuity.

Piper touched her temple and said, "It's nice to see you in those glasses."

"Old habits die hard, I guess," Alex remarked snidely. "How did you know that I would be back here so soon?"

"Alex, the barista knew you by name when we came here yesterday. It's pretty clear that you are a regular. As hard as that is to believe."

"What do you mean?" Alex asked, suspicion creeping into her voice.

Piper teased, "It's just hard to picture the OLD you, jet-setting criminal, settling into any place long enough to become a regular."

"Jesus Christ, Piper, that was so long ago. Get over it." Alex crossed her arms impatiently. "Look, I have to get back to work so say what you have to say."

"Okay, okay." Piper agreed, reaching into her handbag to pull out her wallet.

Alex taunted, "What is this? A payment for services rendered in the parking garage? Let's just consider it a freebie."

"Just WAIT, okay?" Piper rolled her eyes. Unzipping the change pocket, she withdrew a worn, folded square of paper. She unfolded it carefully and smoothed out the deep creases on the surface of the table. With her fingertips tapping the edges of the note, she asked quietly, "Do you know what this is?"

Alex nodded, her voice stifled by the lump in her throat. It was the note that she had written to Piper before going into witness protection.

"You remember it, then. Well...I keep this note with me all the time. Do you know why?" She continued without waiting for an answer, "No, of course you don't, because, instead of talking about anything in a REAL way, I always play stupid games that wreck things for us." A tear rolled down Piper's cheek. "This note...it saved my life in prison, Al. It woke me up to the fact that I was being a careless asshole. And YOU wrote this, even though I almost got you killed, so this note reminds me everyday how I fucked over the only person who cared about me." Struggling to speak through her tears, she clenched her teeth. "And that's a GOOD thing, really, because I need to do so, so much better if I am ever lucky enough to be loved like that again." She raised her eyes from the paper to seek a reaction. "So...I just needed you to see that I kept this, for whatever that's worth, before you tell me to fuck off...or whatever."

Shocked by the clarity of Piper's words, Alex dropped her defenses. "Piper...I appreciate you showing me this. Really. And, if I'M being really honest about EVERYTHING that happened between us, I know that we BOTH fucked each other over. Repeatedly. That's why I'm not sure that this THING"-she failed to properly label to the palpable connection between them-"is good for either of us. I think that we do better apart"

"I don't know, Al. Maybe, maybe not." Piper shrugged as she folded the note and returned it to her wallet. "But I'm here. And I am going to stay here until you tell me to leave."

Alex knew that they had reached the logical stopping point. They sat together at the table like reasonable adults, each admitting to mistakes that had hobbled their relationship. She just needed to say the words to end this thing between the two of them, but, sitting with Piper now, their thing felt different. It almost felt okay again. Unsure of what to do, she lit a cigarette and smoked in silence.

Piper recognized Alex's paralysis with a sympathetic smile, and she leaned back to survey the patio, commenting, "You know what? I REALLY like this place. I have been wanting to read more, and this seems like the perfect spot to hunker down with a good book. Especially early in the day, before it gets too hot. If I sit here every morning, I bet that I can become a regular, like you. And, if you want to sit with me on any given morning, that would be great. Or, if you want me to read somewhere else, just let me know, and I will move along. No questions asked."

Thankful that Piper had given her time to deliberate, Alex relaxed her whole body with a sigh. She stubbed her cigarette out in the ashtray and finally spoke. "Sounds like a plan, Pipes." She stood up, reassuring Piper with a smile. "I really do have to get back to work, but I'll see you around, okay?"

"Okay. I'll see you." Before Alex walked away, Piper reached out to squeeze her arm. "And I meant what I said before, Al. I am NOT leaving Santa Fe unless YOU want me to go."

The conversation had delivered a such a jolt that Alex felt totally alert on her way back to work. She could not quite identify which iteration of Piper lurked in Santa Fe, but she had caught a glimpse of the version who would make a welcome addition to the neighborhood. Propelled along the sidewalk by nervous anticipation, Alex looked forward to her next coffee break, but her pace slowed as she considered whether _that_ Piper would want the sober, domesticated version of _her_ and the restricted life that she offered. As she came to a standstill, she retrieved her ringing phone from her pocket, and her concerns faded as she answered the call from her apologetic, but sober, sponsee. Alex grinned into the phone, astonished that yet another person had exceeded her expectations.

...

 _Alex sat bolt upright on the mattress as the heavy door to her cell crashed open. Expecting one of the anonymous guards who patrolled the SHU, she was glad to see Berdie standing in the doorway. She greeted Alex cheerfully, "Hey there, Vause. Rise and shine!"_

 _"_ _What the hell are YOU doing here?" Alex asked, swinging her legs on to the floor._

 _"_ _Hopefully, I am here to help," she answered vaguely. "And that starts by getting you out of the SHU."_

 _Her voice thick with sarcasm, Alex lectured Berdie, "I'm supposed to believe that somebody in this place actually wants to help me, huh? When some psychopath, in guard's clothing, by the way, tries to fucking KILL ME while I am tidying up the greenhouse. And, of course, nobody gives a fuck right up to the point when somebody bothers to run the guy's prints, and...WHOOPS!...Dude's a career criminal with ties to some sketchy drug kingpin, A.K.A. my ex-boss. And what to I get for all my troubles? I get to live HERE, in this shithole, for days on end. It's all good, though, because you people let me out for a few hours each day to be harassed by lawyers sent to cover the asses of our corporate overlords. But hey, Berdie, I feel SO much better now that YOU are here to help!"_

 _Berdie let out an exasperated sigh. "Okay, Vause. That's enough for now. Do you want to get out of here or not?"_

 _Alex refused to speak on the van ride, waiting until they walked the empty halls to Berdie's office. "Is this lockdown EVER gonna end?"_

 _"_ _Eventually. Once every guard has been vetted and cleared for duty. Until then, all prisoners have been secured together in the dorms." Arriving at her office, Berdie beckoned, "C'mon in and take a seat, Vause." Alex complied, and Berdie glanced at her watch before continuing, "I wanted a chance to talk to you before the feds pick you up..."_

 _"_ _Wait...I'm leaving...RIGHT NOW?" Alex blinked in confusion. "What are you talking about? I didn't even know that my new plea deal had gone through."_

 _"_ _The U.S. Attorney is moving forward with the investigation of the hit placed on you. You're the key witness so they're transferring you to a holding facility near the branch office in Rochester."_

 _Alex covered her face with her hands. Berdie did not know that Alex had struck a plea deal to enter witness protection in exchange for her cooperation. When the feds came for her, she was gone for good. Alex whispered, through her fingers, "I thought that I would be back in the dorm before I had to go. I wanted the chance..I wanted to say goodbye to some people." Tears streamed down her arms, soaking the sleeves of her shirt._

 _"_ _Vause, I know that this stinks, not getting the chance to leave on your own terms. But this transfer is GOOD for you. You might even get released."_

 _"_ _I know. I know. It's a chance to make a life," Alex answered reflexively, her head still buried in her hands. She pictured Piper, sitting on her bunk a few months ago, as she asked Alex what their future together might look like. Unable to promise a stable life, Alex crafted a purposefully non-committal response. "I don't know what's gonna happen, and that's the point of being with me" she had said, recasting the uncertainty in her life as an adventure. In reality, her job with the cartel robbed Alex of all control over the destination or duration of her travels so she dreaded the chaos that awaited them beyond Litchfield. Witness protection offered the stable life that they had both wanted, but only for Alex._

 _Berdie inquired delicately, "It's Chapman, isn't it?"_

 _"_ _I don't know why I even give a fuck." Alex laughed at herself for crying over some obsolete conversation. These days, Piper seemed more interested in Alex as a criminal co-conspirator than as a potential life partner. "She blew me off when she got bored with my 'paranoia', as she called it."_

 _"_ _How do think that she feels about that now?"_

 _Alex raised her head, provoked into bitterness. "I have no fucking idea. Probably guilty. Which is exactly how she should fucking feel."_

 _"_ _You know, Vause, I think that Chapman is pretty upset. Apparently, she had such a meltdown when they cleared your bunk that she got thrown into solitary."_

 _"_ _Piper...is in the SHU," Alex confirmed, the words trickling out of her mouth. "The ONE person who I needed to see before leaving was my next-door goddamn neighbor, and I didn't even know it. Are you fucking kidding me?"_

 _"_ _It wasn't my call. Believe me. Which reminds me of what I wanted to tell you." Berdie slid a legal pad and pen across her desk. "I can't get you to Chapman, but nobody can stop ME from getting a message to HER. Now I'm going to take a long, slow walk to the bathroom so that you can have some privacy. If you feel moved to write Chapman while I'm gone, I promise to deliver the note. Sound good?" Without getting an answer, Berdie excused herself from the office._

 _Alex stared at the blank page. She wanted to compose a proper goodbye to her longtime girlfriend, but that Piper was gone. After landing back in Litchfield, Alex had found an aloof impostor. Even the sex felt weird, far removed from the supple, intoxicating immersion that drew them together years ago. More alarming to Alex, Piper's newfound greed stank of her cartel colleagues, grasping for more money, more power, and more pussy. Anger rising in her cheeks, Alex refused to scribble a flowery farewell to the stranger who had rejected her._

 _In spite of her wounded pride, her deep commitment to Piper compelled her to write something. Of all the lines that Alex had crossed, she was most troubled by naming Piper as a member of the drug ring. Even after their split in Paris, Alex prized her love for Piper as a secret treasure in her ugly world, but her betrayal had tainted her feelings. Watching Piper flounder in prison, Alex tried to atone by shielding her ex-girlfriend from corrupting influences. Now she was abandoning Piper at a moment when prison life threatened to consume her. Needing to believe that Piper could recover, Alex put pen to paper in a last attempt to reach her._

 _Berdie had not returned when Alex finished the note so she peered out the office window. A van pulled up to the building, and two plainclothes officers disembarked. Alex took a deep breath, marking the closing seconds of her old life. Her lawyer had described generally how her new one would start. Once her work with the prosecutor concluded, she would live temporarily in a safe house until the Department of Justice could establish the specifics of her identity, including her backstory and hometown. At this point, Alex's only task was to select her new name, something easy to remember, so that the D.O.J. could start on her fake birth certificate. Although she had not settled on anything, a vague idea was taking shape in her mind._

...

Piper knew that she was being tested. She spent three consecutive mornings at Holy Spirit Espresso, nervously thumbing through the novel that she had brought, but Alex never showed. On the fourth day, her chest tightened when Alex walked outside, brushing past Piper before selecting a seat at the back of the patio. Piper had to turn around to wave an awkward greeting, and Alex acknowledged her with a nod from her distant perch. Every ounce of her will was required to turn away from Alex, but she was not going to push. A few minutes later, she passed Piper without a word on the way out the door. Progress continued over the ensuing days. Arriving around mid-morning, Alex, always in glasses, would sit apart from Piper, but, with each passing day, she selected a table in closer proximity. They never spoke, facing each other across an ever-diminishing gap for a few tantalizing minutes every morning. The process was torture, but Piper was prepared to wait.

An entire week had passed before Alex sat down at Piper's table. She launched into conversation without fanfare, casually requesting, "Show me that note again, would you?"

As soon as Piper produced it, Alex snatched the piece of paper. Scanning the page, she teased, "So you really carry this thing around with you, huh? It's no birthday playlist, but I suppose that it does hold a certain appeal."

"Can I please have it back now?" Piper held out her hand. "I don't want you to spill coffee on it."

Alex returned it dutifully, her lips forming a half-smile, as if holding on to some juicy secret. Piper held her breathe, afraid to disturb what was happening. Alex spoke sleepily, "I have a favor to ask..."

"Sure! Whatever you need!" Piper chirped instantaneously.

"Pipes, let's try to keep things normal," Alex recommended while giving her a sidelong glance. "First, I will tell you the favor. Then, you will think it over. And, at that point, you can say 'yes' or 'no'. Does that make sense?"

"Yes. Perfect sense," Piper replied, leaning back in her chair to demonstrate her patience.

"My car died this morning so I am in a bit of a pickle. I can bike to work, but..."

Piper interrupted again, "You...bike...to work."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Jesus, can we please just accept that I have changed somewhat since my late twenties? I feel like a crisis counselor, helping you come to terms with all of my new habits."

"Okay, okay. I can be open-minded."

"Oh yeah?" Alex chuckled at the claim.

"Well, I can try," Piper hedged, before adding, "Although you're the one who said that you are 'pretty consistent'."

"Wow. You really had to dig into the archive for that one. If I remember that conversation correctly, I was talking about something way more important than my mode of transportation, Pipes." Their eyes met for a split second. "Anyway, I can bike to work, but I really need a car to get to these meetings every morning around Santa Fe and Albuquerque."

"Do you know what's wrong with your car?"

"It's a piece of shit," Alex replied, not missing a beat.

"Oh, well, that IS a problem," Piper concurred.

Alex's speech slowed as she approached her request. "Anyway, your mornings seem pretty...How can I put this?...Unscheduled? So maybe you could drive me to and from my meetings, at least for a week or two while I figure out what to do with my car?"

Obeying Alex's previous instructions, Piper paused dramatically to consider her answer before assenting, "Al, I would love to help you out. What time do you need me to pick you up?"

"Morning meetings usually start at 8 so you would need to pick me up before 7:30."

Piper straightened with surprise. "Yikes, that's early. Can I ask what gets you out of bed at the crack of dawn?"

"Narcotics Anonymous." Recalling Alex's abstinence from alcohol, Piper began to worry about the ardor of ex-girlfriend's sobriety. Alex decoded Piper's facial expression, elaborating, "Relax, Piper. I'm not a brainwashed, 12-step fundamentalist who can't function in the real world. I agreed to sponsor some kid, and I am shepherding her through the first months of sobriety. We meet every morning so that I can keep an eye on her."

Although the concept of Alex as a mentor totally floored her, Piper limited her reaction to a genial nod. She had imagined Alex's life in Santa Fe as some absurd, fish-out-of-water story, but her ex-girlfriend had made a _home_ here, with a job, and hobbies, and people who counted on her. An odd shyness gripped Piper as she understood how much she longed to be integrated into that life. She mumbled like an infatuated pre-teen, "That's a great thing that you're doing, Al."

"Honestly, it's not a big deal." Grabbing a pen from her bag, Alex scrawled on a napkin. "Here, let me give you the info for tomorrow. I don't know the exact address, but you can look it up on your phone. Can you get there by 7:30 at the latest? I'll be waiting outside." Leaning over the table, Piper watched Alex write out the name of _another_ coffee shop.

"No problem. I will be there." Piper's eagerness prompted her to wonder aloud, "Wouldn't it be simplest for me to pick you up at your place? And it might be a good idea to give me your number so that I can call you when I am on my way."

Alex arched her eyebrows wickedly, not giving an inch. "Have we ever done things the simple way? Besides, I don't think that I am ready for the full-blown Piper Chapman experience. First things first." Her chair scraped the ground as she stood. "See you tomorrow, kid. Bright and early."

Piper held up the napkin. "Got it. Meet here tomorrow morning. First things first." Watching Alex strut away, Piper's pulse raced as she imagined all the good things to follow.


	4. Chapter 4

Piper squeezed her eyes shut to keep herself from checking the digital clock that taunted her from the bedside table. This waiting game had become an overnight ritual. Knowing that the morning brought another car trip with Alex, she would fall asleep only to jerk awake an hour later with the hope that daybreak had arrived. Seeing nothing but an uncooperative clock display in a pitch-black room, she would lay back down to repeat the cycle. Now too restless for another round, she rolled out of bed and headed into the shower.

It was still dark outside when she exited the steamy bathroom. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she consulted the time on her phone before placing a call.

"Piper, you bitch!" Polly picked up within a few rings. "You FINALLY called me back. I was just telling Larry that I haven't gone this long without talking to you since you ran away with Alex."

Piper loved that their friendship permitted obscenity-laden greetings. "I'm sorry, Polly. My hours have been so crazy on this trip..."

"Where, exactly, have you been keeping these crazy hours?"

"Well, I'm in New Mexico," Piper peppered the factual statement with a few lies. "For now, at least. But it's pretty boring here so I plan to head out in a couple of days."

"And THEN where are you heading?"

Piper formed a vague response. "I'm not sure. West."

"Wow, sounds like you've really thought things through. Somehow I thought that this journey of self-discovery would be over by now," Polly declared before moderating her tone. "You know, the kids ask about you all the time. They miss you, Piper."

Irked that her friend had resorted to guilt so soon, Piper replied, "I'm sure that they will get used to their new nanny."

"Piper, you were never JUST their nanny. You're a member of the family"

"A member of the family who received two weeks of paid leave per year, full medical, and a W-2 form." Piper succumbed to a latent bitterness. After Litchfield, she learned rapidly that her status as a convicted felon mattered more to employers than her B.A. from Smith. Aware that she was chronically underemployed, Larry and Polly begged her to help them out for a week or two when their nanny quit unexpectedly. Weeks had evolved into months before Piper confronted the awkward reality that she worked for her best friend and ex-fiancee. By then, the lure of a steady paycheck and accommodating bosses outweighed her discomfort. Until her mother died, and Piper stopped hiding from her life.

Polly sighed into the receiver. "You know that you'll always be family. Besides, as far as I know, you haven't quit your job as my as my best friend."

"Well, that depends entirely on how much you are willing to pay..." Piper deadpanned.

"Oh, shut up." A note of sorrow crept into Polly's voice. "Seriously, though, I miss you SO much. Can you just come back here already? I KNOW how much you love Fall in New York so do NOT tell me that you prefer life among the tumbleweeds."

"This place has its appeal, Pol," Piper protested.

"But you just said that it was boring there." Entangled in a mistake, Piper held her breathe. "Wait...You're not sleeping with somebody, are you? And then holding back the details because I'm a conventional slug who lives vicariously through you?"

Piper distracted her friend with an insult. "I know that you must long for sexual freedom after so many years of marriage, but please don't project your fantasies on to me. I just meant that it feels good to live on my own terms."

"Whatever. But you don't have to invent some new life just to prove that you're a grown-up." The clunky fiction rattled in Piper's ears. She had always required the support of some caretaker: her parents at first, then Alex, then her parents again, then Larry, and, finally, Larry _plus_ Polly. Piper had yet to convince _herself_ that she was a grown-up.

Disliking the trajectory of the conversation, she moved to end it. "You know, Pol, my phone is dying so I really need to go. I just wanted to let you know that I am doing well. I'll make sure to charge my phone before I call next time. Which will be soon. I promise."

"Fine, but do NOT expect me to stop bugging you about coming home."

Piper had existed for years without a real home, but she humored her friend. "Of course not. Love you."

"Love you, too, you stupid flake." Polly ended the call, and Piper returned to her morning routine. When she had finished getting ready, it was time to get Alex.

Upon entering Iconik Coffee Roasters, where they began each morning, she searched for Alex's face in the crowd. To Piper's delight, they no longer met outside on the street, opting instead to chat in the cafe before heading off to that morning's NA meeting. Like other patrons, her eyes locked readily on Alex, who balanced gracefully on a stool at the front counter. She wore black jeans and a t-shirt, a casual outfit that reminded Piper of lazy weekends from their past. Alex, engrossed in a book, did not notice her approach so Piper got her attention by lightly placing her hand on the small of her ex-girlfriend's back.

Alex identified her by touch before turning around. "Good morning, kid."

"Morning," Piper repeated, climbing on to the stool beside her.

"Here. I got this for you." Alex slid a paper cup along the counter. When Piper wrapped her fingers around the coffee, Alex hesitated before withdrawing her hand so that skin brushed skin for a split second.

"Thanks."

Expecting a lengthy interaction, Piper had to mask her disappointment when Alex stood, apologizing, "I'm sorry, Pipes, but we have to get going if we're gonna make it. This place is all the way on the other side of town."

After they drove to the church that hosted the meeting, Piper observed Alex as she departed from the parked car. As always, her ex-girlfriend greeted an antsy young woman with a hug before they vanished together through the entrance. Retrieving a notebook and pen from the glove compartment, Piper spent the next hour unpacking the undeveloped narratives that cluttered her mind. This odd detour to Santa Fe supplied her with ample opportunities to write, a beloved activity that she had only pursued in fits and starts while nannying. Unfortunately for her bank account, this writing time stemmed from her sustained unemployment, but Piper ignored any long-term concerns outside of cultivating her tenuous relationship with Alex.

When Alex startled her with a knock on the car window, Piper hastily stashed her journal before unlocking the doors. "Where to now?" Alex inquired nonchalantly after plunging into the passenger seat, as if Piper exercised any control over their movements.

Piper furrowed her brow in confusion. "Don't you have work?"

"Not really, no. Today is my day off." Alex, treading cautiously into new territory, wavered when she spoke, "If you're busy, just take me back to Iconik...But we could grab a bite to eat. I know a decent breakfast place that's not too crowded on weekdays."

"Is it a weekday?" Piper pondered, organizing her mental calendar.

"It's Tuesday, Pipes. Careful there. You're losing touch with the civilized world."

Piper quipped, "Unfortunately, the mean boss lady who hired me as an unpaid chauffeur doesn't respect terms like 'weekday' and 'weekend'."

"Sounds like every service job that I ever worked," Alex smirked. "So you wanna get some breakfast or what? Most important meal of the day, after all."

Sidetracking their discussion, Piper blathered, "You know, I read an article in The New York Times that disputed the health benefits of breakfast. Apparently, recent nutritional studies have shown that skipping breakfast has no effect on weight gain or intellectual performance." She received a bemused stare from the passenger seat.

"That's SUPER interesting, Pipes." Alex coaxed her toward the original topic. "But let me ask you a question. Are you hungry?"

"Yes."

Throwing up her hands, Alex urged, "Then let's go choke ourselves on a huge fucking breakfast. New York Times be damned." Piper could not dispute the logic.

As the car pulled on to the road, Alex rummaged through her bag. "Shit. I think I left my phone at home. Normally, it's no big deal, but my sponsee is gonna call me later." Although the problem had an obvious solution, both women played temporarily dumb. Alex relented first. "Maybe we could swing by my place really quick?"

"Sure. Just tell me how to get there." Testy from lack of sleep, Piper risked spooking Alex by tacking on a request of her own. "But can I ask you for a small favor, Al? Just for my peace of mind. Given that you feel comfortable enough to show me where you live, might you also consider telling me your name?"

Alex feigned ignorance with a wink. "Didn't I tell you already? No? Oh, sorry. It's Alex. My name is Alex."

"Be SERIOUS, Al. You know what I mean. Your full name. First and last."

Tilting her head back against seat, Alex confessed reluctantly, "My full name is Alex Taverner."

Piper instantly got the reference, "You picked that name, didn't you?" When Alex nodded, a hint of a red seeped into her cheeks. "I don't suppose that Philip K. Dick is required reading for the bureaucrats who approved your new identity."

"It's common enough for a last name so nobody ever makes the connection." Alex directed her gaze out the passenger window before adding, "They told me to pick a name that would be easy to remember. It's just something random that popped into my head at the last minute." Piper recognized the lie, but she let it slide.

...

 _The cab deposited Alex on the curb of a secluded, tree-lined street. Walking the brick path toward a pristine colonial home, she knew that she was falling for Piper Chapman. They had only been dating for a little over a month, but, when Piper issued a spontaneous invitation to her parents' house, Alex came running. More than that, she endured a train trip into Connecticut, followed by a taxi ride through the suburbs, just to reach the girl behind the wooden door that she now approached._

 _Piper opened the door before Alex could knock, explaining, "I heard the cab pull up. I can't believe that you're actually HERE. At my parents' house. This is SO weird!" Alex appraised the flannel shirt, sweatpants, and UGGs that engulfed Piper's slender frame, charmed by an outfit that deviated so entirely from her girlfriend's structured New York wardrobe._

 _Hands shoved into the pockets of her jacket, Alex leaned gingerly across the threshold before confirming, "There's no parents lurking here, right?"_

 _Piper grabbed her arm, tugging her into the foyer. "You have nothing to worry about, Al. Like I said before, they will be boozing it up at a holiday party for the better part of the evening." Alex shadowed her into an expansive living room. "Do you want a drink? We have a well-stocked liquor cabinet."_

 _As Piper ransacked a mahogany sideboard, Alex craned her neck to view the full length of the Christmas tree in the corner of the room. Dozens of matching, gilded orbs hung throughout the lush branches, a far cry from the few handmade ornaments that decorated the lopsided, discounted saplings of Alex's childhood._

 _"_ _Shoot! I don't think that we have any tequila," Piper lamented, grabbing a bottle of single-malt scotch and two tumblers. "I know. I know. You prefer scotch, anyway." She hurried into the hallway but stalled at the foot of the stairs. "You coming?"_

 _Transfixed by the stack of meticulously wrapped gifts at the foot of the tree, Alex asked from a distance, "Where?"_

 _"_ _Up to my bedroom."_

 _The summons rescued Alex from her torpor. She strode purposefully to Piper's side, admonishing, "Why didn't you say so?"_

 _As they entered Piper's room, Alex snickered at the lace curtains and ornate canopy bed. "Cool bedroom, Pipes. Who's your interior decorator? Snow White?"_

 _Piper nudged her playfully. "Give me a break. I picked most of this stuff when I was nine years old."_

 _After advancing toward the bed, Piper unloaded the alcohol on to the nightstand. Alex moved to join her when she spotted the bookshelf built into the back wall. Impressed by the number of books, she exclaimed, "Wow. You've read everything."_

 _"_ _I've always loved to read. It's my favorite thing," Piper replied as she sat on the bed._

 _As her girlfriend fidgeted, Alex strolled along the bookshelf to assess the collection. She stated the title of the first book to catch her eye, "_ _Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said_ _. I never pegged you for a sci fi buff, Pipes."_

 _"_ _Oh, I'm not, really," Piper declared dismissively. "But, my freshman year at Smith, I enrolled in a course on dystopian novels called 'Brave New Worlds'."_

 _"_ _That's a terrible title."_

 _"_ _I know. But it got me into some of the better sci fi authors, like Margaret Atwood and Philip K. Dick."_

 _"_ _Yeah, I'm the same way. I hate most sci-fi. WAY too dude-oriented, with convoluted plots and insipid lady aliens. But I always liked Dick's books. Less about space travel...more about drugs and our fucked up society."_

 _Removing the book from the shelf, Alex scanned the back of the yellowed dust jacket:_

 **Jason Taverner-world famous talk-show host and man about town-wakes up to find one day that no one knows who he is-not even the vast databases of the totalitarian government. But just how can a person's identity be erased overnight?**

 _The synopsis evoked pleasant memories of poring over the story as a teenager. Scrutinizing the book in her hands, Alex grasped both its age and immaculate condition. "What the fuck? Is this a FIRST edition?"_

 _"_ _Well, yeah." Piper flushed with embarrassment. "Actually, I have collected first editions since I was a little kid. Every December, my parents take me to the Strand Bookstore in Manhattan so that I can pick any first edition as a Christmas present. It's become kind of a family tradition."_

 _Alex now evaluated the assortment of books that decorated the walls with trepidation. She had read many of the same books as a kid, but she had waited weeks, in most cases, for some warped, food-stained paperback to become available at her local library. She had rarely read hardcovers, let alone first editions._

 _"_ _Uh-oh. There's that look again," Piper complained from across the room._

 _"_ _What look?"_

 _"_ _The look that says, 'Why am I dating this pretentious, entitled WASP?'"_

 _Reacting to her girlfriend's deflated demeanor, Alex settled down next to her on the mattress. As she tucked Piper's hair behind her ear to expose her neck, Alex brushed her lips against the newly uncovered skin. "Oh, believe me. I have my reasons." The thrill of stealing a kiss on the canopy bed recalled Alex's adolescent experiences in the bedrooms of other, amenable girls. Running her hand along Piper's thigh, she inquired with a suggestive whisper, "Did you bring any boys up here when you were in high school?"_

 _Piper closed her eyes. "A couple, yeah."_

 _Their lips met, and Alex's tongue probed lightly as she began to unbutton Piper's shirt. Between kisses, she pressed on, "Did it get very far?"_

 _"_ _Mmmm. Uh. I guess so. A few times," Piper murmured as Alex's mouth traced a path along her collarbone._

 _She hummed into Piper's chest, "Maybe you should take those pants off." After Piper obliged, Alex deftly eased their bodies down to the mattress. Her mouth resumed its insistent trail down Piper's stomach, and she wondered aloud, "Did any of those boys make you come the way that I do?"_

 _"_ _No," Piper gasped as Alex slid the waistband of her panties down an inch. She pressed her lips where the fabric had been._

 _Pausing to peel off Piper's underwear, Alex remarked, "What a shame." Before lowering her lips to their ultimate destination, she contemplated Piper's unfurled, trembling body. Even before Alex could afford leather-bound volumes or plush linens, she had always possessed something that all the rich girls wanted. Some things never changed._

 _Before Alex snuck back to the city, Piper mentioned that her upcoming holiday week was overloaded with family obligations. Back in New York, Alex worked to forget her girlfriend's absence, catching up with friends who scolded her for her recent disappearing act. When she opened her mailbox a few days later to discover a small parcel from Piper, she dashed to her apartment with the mail. She unwrapped the package to reveal the first edition of_ _Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said_ _with a small card tucked into the pages of the book. As a holiday greeting, Piper had written a note that began with a well-known quote from the novel:_

 **"** **If you're afraid, you don't commit yourself to life completely; fear makes you always, always hold something back." Alex, knowing you inspires me to commit to life without fear. Merry Christmas.**

 **Piper**

 _Although her girlfriend may have re-read the book in order to compose the message, Alex suspected that Piper's impeccable memory had easily pinpointed a relevant passage. Marveling at a woman who managed to be, in equal parts, both nerdy and hot, Alex understood that she wasn't just falling for Piper. She already loved her._

...

The unwieldy Buick turned on to the street that bordered Alex's dilapidated apartment complex, the Bali Ha'i. A product of the mid-20th century construction boom, the property displayed a tropical theme that now read as culturally insensitive, with weathered, vaguely Polynesian signage and a ring of sickly palm trees in the central courtyard. Directing Piper to a parking spot near the main gate, Alex fended off shame over her current address.

Piper engaged the parking brake. "So this is your building? Looks nice."

"Nice enough for a dump that I can barely afford," Alex admitted. Subduing her nerves with hubris, she added, "Do you want to come up? I don't want you to rot out here when I can't find my fucking phone."

"Um, I suppose that I could come up...I mean, why not, right? If you're really, really sure..." Piper stammered.

Alex belittled her ambivalence. "Well, you ARE pretty irresistible, but I think that I can handle it for a minute or two."

Piper lifted both hands from the steering wheel. "Okay, okay. I now recognize that I am behaving like an asshole."

"Just c'mon, already," Alex beckoned.

After they braved the rickety outdoor staircase to the apartment, Alex wasted minutes jiggling her key in the rusty lock to her front door. When she eventually prevailed, sweat had fogged her glasses so badly that she had to grope her way through the entrance.

Piper lingered outside, amused by the hassle. "Are you okay?"

"I'll recover," Alex sighed as she removed her glasses to wipe the lenses with her shirt. When Piper failed to appear, she shouted, "Jesus, Piper, will you get in here?"

As her ex-girlfriend slinked through the door, Alex gauged her expression. She had comfortably welcomed Piper into her Manhattan apartment, with its stockpile of books and thoughtfully curated pieces of furniture. The sparse studio that she now occupied offered no such distractions.

"It's so...minimal in here," Piper stated, circling the room.

Irritated by the description, Alex growled, "Sorry if it's not up to your high standards."

"It's not that. Honestly," Piper replied delicately. "It's just that you used to have SO MUCH stuff. You were a total pack rat, Al. I mean, when we left for Bali, you kept paying rent on your old apartment just to have a place for all of it."

"Well, it's all gone now, that's for sure," Alex retorted. "I sold a shitload after I got arrested... And the rest...I put the more meaningful stuff into storage, but when the feds took me from Litchfield...Well, they weren't exactly gonna let me rent a U-Haul to empty my personal storage locker, were they? I'm sure that Kubra had somebody sitting on it." Recounting the story, she braced herself against a surge of melancholy. "Whatever. I can live without most of that shit, anyway. But the photos. THOSE I wanted...Of you...Of Diane..." Without warning, the damn broke. Alex lost it, and the tears flowed fast and heavy. She turned toward the wall, uselessly wiping at the torrent with the backs of her hands.

Piper approached, standing so close that Alex could feel the breath on the back of her neck. "God, Al, it must have been so hard to give everything up like that."

A hand gripped Alex's arm and rotated her body. Piper smothered her in a hug, and the unrelenting pressure squeezed desperate sobs from Alex's core. "Alex...Shhh. It's okay. It's okay...I'm here."

Leaning her head on Alex's shoulder, Piper whispered, "You don't need any of that stuff. You got out of the cartel. You're really, really out. Don't you know how amazing that is? How proud that makes me? And you didn't just survive. You made a life out here. A REAL life. Just like you said that you wanted."

"Do you really mean that?" Alex practically begged for Piper's approval.

"I mean it." Hearing the words, Alex sank into the embrace, and her tears subsided. She let herself exist in the presence of somebody else with no lies to tell. She was just Alex, and it was _enough_.

Never one for prolonging sentimental moments, she joked, "I'm proud of you, too, Pipes. Your pep talks have REALLY improved. You didn't even mention the cockroaches."

Piper's laughter rumbled against her chest. "I'll admit that was not a particularly comforting speech."

When Alex shifted her position to study Piper, she saw the tears drying on her ex-girlfriend's cheeks. Their laughter faded, and they blended into the stillness of the room. Unable to resist, Alex bent her head forward to initiate contact.

Piper lurched away while wagging a disapproving finger. "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Uh-uh. No way. Not a chance."

"Pipes, it's fine. Really." Alex inched forward.

"There is NO way that I am gonna buy that line." Narrowing her eyes, Piper speculated, "For argument's sake, let's just assume that we got carried away for a moment. Now that you have had some time to reconsider, do you still want to go through with...whatever it was that you were planning?"

Alex averted her gaze as she grumbled, "Well, now that you're freaking out like this, maybe not." Her body protested mightily, but she surrendered to Piper's demand for caution. "So...how should we handle this situation? I mean, you did a fantastic job of killing the mood. It's dead. But what are we gonna do when the mood strikes again?"

Her face contorted in thought, Piper suggested, "I think that we need a safe word or some kind of objective signal to ME that you have considered ALL options, and you STILL want to...to pursue...things."

"You want a safe word...to let you know when I'm really and truly ready to START fucking?" Alex understood that the ludicrous idea marked a new milestone for her ex-girlfriend. Piper Chapman was attempting to exercise restraint.

"It would put my mind at ease, yes."

Alex shrugged. "Whatever you want, weirdo, but you pick the safe wor-"

"Marzipan," Piper interrupted.

"Whoa! That was fast." Alex wrinkled her nose. "Why 'marzipan'?"

Piper adopted a defiant posture. "I don't see how that's relevant. You told me to pick the word so I picked."

"That I did, Pipes. That I did." Grabbing the phone that sat in plain view on the kitchen counter, Alex headed for the door. "'Marzipan' it is, then. Now let's go get some breakfast."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry for the delay on this update. I won't bore you lovely readers with the details of my boring life, but I got WAY sidetracked for a time. The updates should arrive more frequently in the near future. I hope that the end of this fic will live up your expectations. As always, I appreciate your feedback, and I am very encouraged by your positive reviews!**

Alex locked the exterior door to the store, pleased that she had managed to close on time for once. She toyed with the idea of asking Piper to dinner, working to concoct a platonic pretext for sharing an evening meal. Sick of scheming, Alex grabbed her phone with plans to issue a straightforward invitation, but the device rang in her hand before she could dial. She identified the caller as the U.S. Marshal assigned to her case by the Witness Security Program. Reluctantly bringing the phone to her ear, she snarled, "Yes?"

"Good evening, Ms. Taverner. Are you available to speak privately for a moment?" her handler requested, affecting the manners of a Southern gentleman.

"Pretty much, yeah. What's going on?"

"The U.S. Attorney wanted me to inform you that jury selection for the RICO trial has concluded so opening statements are scheduled for next week." The color drained from her cheeks as his declaration exposed the fiction of her autonomy in Santa Fe.

"Are you serious? Fuck me." Alex collapsed on to a bench next to the store entrance. After the debacle of Kubra's mistrial, the federal prosecutor had aggressively investigated additional crimes, including the organized hit against Alex, in order to file fresh racketeering charges against the kingpin. Following years of extradition challenges and endless pre-trial delays, Alex had doubted whether she would ever have to testify in court. Regretting her miscalculation, she asked, "When am I going to be called?"

"It's at the discretion of the U.S. Attorney, but, according to your placement on the preliminary witness list, it should happen within a month or two."

"But that could change, right?" she clarified sourly.

His polite tone did not alleviate the sting of his directives. "As I stated before, the U.S. Attorney decides your position on the witness list, and, yes, that position is subject to change. From this point on, I will maintain regular contact to inform you of the trial's progress. When the prosecutor requires your presence, we will arrange a plausible cover story so that you can obtain an extended leave from your job."

"Oh. It's like that, huh?" Alex bristled. Fighting to influence the lopsided dialog, she demanded, "Before any of that shit goes down, I want to discuss my deal with the U.S. Attorney."

Rattled by her ultimatum, he required a few seconds to respond, "Your situation in witness protection was established years ago, Ms. Taverner."

"Well, my fucking situation has changed, okay?" she barked before utilizing her only bargaining chip. "Look, if you want my help with this goddamn circus, I'm gonna need to talk to the prosecutor. A simple conversation is not too much to ask."

Unable to deter her, he sidestepped, "I really can't help you, but I will pass the message up the chain of command."

"Do that," she commanded, underlining her determination. "Is there anything else?"

"Not at this time, Ms. Taverner. Thank you for your continued cooperation."

"Sure thing, buddy. Fun talk." Alex hung up the phone. She shut her eyes, churning through the complications unearthed by the conversation.

Eventually abandoning the bench, Alex walked to the outdoor lot where she parked her car for the day. Unwilling to give up her mornings with Piper, she had reverted to old habits, neglecting to inform her ex-girlfriend that her car had been repaired last week. Realizing that both the willful omission and her possible departure threatened their fragile limbo, Alex started to question the strict limits that she had imposed upon their relationship. Hypothetical outcomes swarmed around her brain as she contemplated their future.

Months had elapsed since Alex had attended N.A. outside of her obligations as a sponsor, but she drove herself straight to a well-attended meeting. Arriving late, she seated herself just as the moderator recited a passage from the original text of _Alcoholics Anonymous_ :

 **Fear...was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we ourselves, set the ball rolling?**

After a call to open discussion, the room fell silent, except for the creaking of an unbalanced ceiling fan that spun precariously overhead.

"I'll share." Alex proclaimed as she leaned forward, elbows on knees, in her folding chair. "I've lived through some crazy shit. Just like all of us who've gotten strung out. I've watched two people die, for fuck's sake. And I bet, dollars to donuts, that I'm not the only one in this room who can say that." Scattered nods and mumbles spread through the crowd. "I'm used to my life being fucked. It's all I've ever known. Even before the drugs. So I KNOW how to start from zero and build my way back up. THAT I can do without punking out. But you know what scares the shit out of me? Getting what I want. Holding on to something that I'm afraid to lose. I have NO idea how to do that without fucking up. I never learned how."

She paused, raking her fingers through her hair, to hunt for a statement that would clear a path through her uneasiness. "But I'm grateful for this meeting. It's a reminder that I can't control everything. That's not my job. I'm gonna do my best just to let life happen. And maybe, just maybe, things will work out this time." It was the reassuring platitude of a practiced sponsor. The words sounded so good that even Alex almost believed them.

 **...**

 _"_ _Maybe things will work out," Piper offered feebly, barely audible over the cacophony of beeps emanating from the electronics in the hospital room. The tangle of medical devices attached to her mother occupied so much territory that she and Cal had to squish together on a tiny sofa, the only available seat in the crowded space. For hours each day, they sat in the same position, elbow to elbow, staring at Carol's unmoving body._

 _"_ _Piper, normally I like where your head is at, but this may not be the best time to pretend that everything is chill," Cal countered, rejecting his sister's platitude. Their mother had lapsed into a coma after contracting pneumonia, a rare side effect of chemotherapy. After finally cornering Carol's physician for an update on her condition, the oncologist had recommended the transition from active medical intervention to hospice care, reciting the grim prognosis like a poem learned by rote._

 _Wedged against the couch cushions, Piper struggled to face her brother. "What do you want me to say, Cal? Yes, let's DEFINITELY put mom in hospice. And when I say 'hospice', I mean sticking her in some convalescent home, discontinuing treatment, shooting her up with near-fatal doses of narcotics, and, basically, accepting her for dead. Because that is what we are talking about, isn't it?"_

 _"_ _I might also define 'hospice' as a humane way to ease mom's suffering, but yeah, sis, that IS what we are talking about. She's been sick forever, and she just keeps getting worse." He leaned against her as his lecture gathered steam. "Death may be the great American taboo, but we need to discuss the options without being held back by myopic, cultural bullshit."_

 _Annoyed by his patronizing tone, she oozed sarcasm. "Let me congratulate you on your victory over our petty, societal hang-ups. You must be more evolved than me because, personally, I cannot deal with what's happening. It's just too fucking depressing." Piper rubbed her eyes as she expressed bewilderment, "You know, considering how much mom loathed most of our life choices, I'm pretty shocked that she would leave THIS up to us."_

 _"_ _You are talking about a woman who referred to her metastatic throat cancer as a 'bother'. She was never going to sit us down to explain how she wanted to meet a good death." The siblings chuckled weakly at their shared recollection of Carol's shortcomings. "Besides, it's really dad's decision, anyway."_

 _Piper asked, "Did he say anything when you found him in the cafeteria?" Her father had disappeared shortly after a grief counselor approached the family with unsolicited tips for coping with Carol's slow decline. The Chapmans knew immediately that her maudlin suggestions did not mesh with their repressed family ethos. To avoid conflict, they listened politely as she urged them to bond with their comatose mother by singing or reciting poetry to her. Then the counselor targeted Piper's dad. Clutching his shoulder, she prodded him to crawl into bed with Carol, insisting that cuddles with his unconscious wife were "chicken soup for the soul". After glaring at the counselor in prolonged silence, he removed her hand from his body and exited the room. Piper had not seen him since._

 _Cal shook his head before remarking, "That counselor short-circuited his WASP brain. Total emotional lockdown. He said that he'll be back after he's finished reading today's edition of The Wall Street Journal."_

 _Piper stood, moving alongside the bed to collect her mother's frail hand into her own. Carol had always spurned physical contact, and her daughter lamented the bleak circumstances that finally permitted this demonstration of affection. Tears welled in Piper's eyes as she accepted that her mother would never reciprocate the heartfelt gesture._

 _She pleaded with her brother, "How am I supposed to do the right thing for mom? I can't even handle my own, minor bullshit."_

 _"_ _I'm gonna guess that your problem is thinking that there is ONE right thing," Cal counseled from the couch. "The whole point is just to step up. To be IN this, no matter what. That's what family does."_

 _His sound advice conjured a memory of Alex's face, a blend of panic and anger, framed within a dryer window as she challenged Piper to step up. After wasting every chance to serve as the family that her ex-girlfriend had needed, she could not stomach another failure. Piper squeezed her mother's hand, silently committing to shepherd Carol through the end of her life. Her body stilled by resolve, Piper declared, "I'm going to tell dad to disconnect mom from all these tubes and wires, Cal. She doesn't deserve to die like this, suffering in this godawful place. You should get back to Neri and the kids, and dad...Well, dad is pretty useless at this point so I'll arrange for hospice care."_

 _Cal's voice erupted behind her. "Wow, Pipes. Who knew you had it in you?"_

 _"_ _What do you mean?" Piper snapped as she returned to the sofa. After cramming herself back on to the couch next to her brother, he slung a consoling arm across her shoulders. She appreciated the weight of his healthy body._

 _"_ _You're always criticizing yourself for being such a wimp, but you just manned up, big time." He hugged her tenderly. "After getting through this, you're gonna go out and eat the world."_

 _She cast her eyes toward the ground while appraising his optimism. "Somehow I doubt it, but you never know."_

 **...**

Piper's increasingly vehement knocks on the front door failed to bring a response. Stranded at the threshold of Alex's apartment, she entertained the nightmarish prospect that Alex had not slept at home. When her ex-girlfriend eventually opened the door, palpable relief forced a sigh from Piper's lungs. Alex appeared freshly roused, with mussed hair, no makeup, and a short, satin robe that barely concealed a pair of pajama shorts. She yawned her greeting. "Hey Pipes. I am SO sorry. I totally overslept, but you got here before I could call you." Stretching her arms languorously, she asked, "Do you want to come in for a second?"

"Sure," Piper, now a frequent visitor, agreed.

Alex relocated from the open door to her kitchenette, letting her words trail behind her. "I'm gonna make some coffee. Want some?" Without an answer, she sparked the burner underneath a tea kettle, grousing, "These early N.A. meetings are fucking killing me, especially when I have a day off work. Some people are just not built to be up at the crack of dawn."

Piper stepped across the threshold without closing the door behind her. Pointing a thumb over her shoulder, she warned, "Do we really have time for this? It's almost eight so we're late as it is."

Alex reassured Piper while she scooped coffee into a French press. "It's fine. I texted my sponsee as soon as I got up, and we agreed to meet later tonight. No big deal."

"Oh, okay." Piper murmured, reevaluating her situation as she shut the door. She could handle a hurried layover at Alex's apartment, but an entire, unstructured day in that same apartment with Alex, wearing nothing but skimpy sleepwear, posed considerable difficulties.

With her back turned, Alex suggested nonchalantly, "If you are up for hanging out, we have the whole day to ourselves."

Piper paced the floor, blurting "What would we do?"

"You're the tourist, Pipes. What's on your list of things to do in Santa Fe?"

Piper's list was filled with activities, none of which she dared to divulge. "I can't really think of anything off the top of my head. I've been here for weeks so I've pretty much exhausted all the activities in my travel guides. As an additional wrinkle, I should also probably mention that I am running really low on cash."

"So...something unconventional and cheap. Well, at least you've narrowed our options down," Alex teased.

The tea kettle blared, and Piper jerked her head toward the shrill whistle emanating from the kitchen. When she caught Alex watching her, the blatant scrutiny brought a blush to Piper's cheeks. Outwardly unfazed, Alex's lips formed a cryptic half-smile as she returned her attention to the French press. Piper joked meekly, "Sorry about the restrictions, but you know how I love to complicate things..."

"I'm aware," Alex replied, emerging from the kitchen with a mug in each hand. After she delivered one to Piper, Alex stayed in the vicinity to sip her coffee. Preserving steady eye contact over the rim of her mug, she hummed, "Mmmm. I needed that."

Their proximity flustered Piper so she created separation by slinking toward a pair of stools tucked under the kitchen counter. Entering a safer zone, Piper rationalized, "I need to sit down for a bit."

"I get that." Alex tailed Piper to the counter and sat down on the adjacent stool. After her movements plunged the neckline of her robe to dangerous depths, Piper's conspicuous stare recruited Alex's eyes to her partially uncovered chest. As she retied her robe, she taunted Piper with a knowing look before continuing harmlessly, "Not into caffeine today, kid?"

"Hmmm?" Piper glanced at her untouched coffee. "Oh, I guess not. Honestly, I'm feeling a little out of sorts."

"You don't say." Setting her mug aside, Alex cocked her head and purred, "Hey, Pipes."

"What?" Piper asked, rigid with apprehension.

Alex hopped off her stool. "I think I know what we should do today." Resting her palms on Piper's thighs, she tilted forward to whisper, "Marzi-."

Piper pressed a finger to Alex's lips out of panic, shushing her before she could finish. They both giggled at the absurdity of their melodramatic pose. Lowering her hand, Piper regained some composure as she cautioned, "Al...not to sound like a broken record, but maybe we should slow things down."

Alex dropped her head and stepped back, groaning, "Seriously, Pipes? This is getting fucking ridiculous."

Wounded by the dismissive remarks, Piper averted her eyes. "I'm not trying to jerk you around, Al. Haven't my feelings been obvious from the outset? I want to be with you...in every possible sense of that expression. I'm only going to all this trouble because..." Her voice trailed off as she hunched her shoulders in defeat. Looking to Alex for compassion, she concluded, "Because I am TRYING, really fucking hard, to give you what YOU asked for...For once in my fucking life, at least."

Dropping her prickly attitude, Alex implored, "Shit...Don't be upset. Seriously." Eyes shining, she took Piper's hand into her featherlight grip. "I'm really sorry, Piper. I know that I've been really putting you through your paces, and I probably took things too far. As I tend to do." She stroked Piper's knuckles with her thumb, confessing, "But it means a lot that you put up with all my crap. I know that I'm not easy."

Soothed by Alex's touch, Piper eased the tension with a smile. "No, you're not."

Alex slackened her hold, and her hand grazed Piper's bare thigh before falling to her side. When goosebumps erupted on her ex-girlfriend's leg, Alex smirked at her effect on Piper. Lifting a wicked eyebrow, she resumed negotiations. "Well, you appear to be the grown-up in the room. Since you recommend a cooling-off period, why don't YOU tell ME how long I need to think things through?"

Piper was so pleased to be consulted that she took the request literally. "Well, I'm the first to admit that self-awareness is not my strong suit..." She squinted at the ceiling, on the hunt for ideas, before contributing, "I DID read a beginner's guide to zen meditation that recommended quieting the mind for two minutes each day. Apparently, actively cultivating a moment of awareness can yield more insight than hours of formal practice. So, if you make an effort to focus attention on your feelings...maybe a couple of minutes?"

"Two minutes, huh? Sounds like more than enough time," Alex playfully indulged Piper, taking out her phone. After setting a timer for one hundred and twenty seconds, she positioned the phone on the counter so that Piper could monitor the display. Then Alex disappeared into the bathroom. Piper heard the shower sputter to life, and her accelerating pulse throbbed in her temples as she snuck a peek at the timer.

"What are you doing?" she inquired with forced neutrality when Alex returned.

Glancing over her shoulder, Alex complained, "I know. It's fucking wasteful to leave the water running like that, right? But these old buildings...It takes FOREVER for the shower to warm up."

"You're going to take a shower...right now?" Piper gulped.

Alex shook her head. "Not RIGHT NOW. When the timer's done. And WE'RE going to take a shower. Together. We'll probably fuck in there, too, but I'm not gonna count my chickens, you know?"

"I see," Piper declared, tacitly endorsing the itinerary while sweat beaded on her forehead. Alex joined her near the phone, and both women ceased their chattering as the seconds vanished into oblivion. Their muscles twitched when the alarm beeped innocuously, but both women held their ground.

Alex moved first, reaching Piper within a few strides to extinguish all traces of ambivalence with a vigorous kiss. Encouraged by lips that parted in eager supplication, Alex tugged herself against Piper by hooking her thumbs into the back pockets of her ex-girlfriend's cut-offs. With Alex's hips positioned between her knees, Piper felt every supple curve through the thin robe that separated their bodies. She surrendered to her appetite for Alex, liberating her hands to roam wildly across the slick fabric.

Withdrawing from their embrace with a cheeky grin, Alex secured a firm grip on Piper's arm before leading her into the bathroom. She pulled Piper's shirt over her head in a single, rough motion, and they collapsed against the tile wall. Alex nipped at her ex-girlfriend's throat, her fingers digging into smooth torso before raking upward toward the clasp of Piper's bra. The obstructing undergarment was tossed to the floor, and Alex's mouth devoured every inch of hot, bare flesh as Piper steadied herself by pressing her should blades into the cool tile.

Although Piper's body ached for Alex, a smidgen of doubt nagged at her. Afraid to ignore her misgivings, she panted, "Hold on a minute, Al...Oh my lord, that's good...But I need to ask you something...Holy shit. Okay...Okay...Seriously though..." To divert Alex from the task at hand, Piper had to reach down and hoist her face to eye level. Bringing their noses within inches, Piper begged, "Al, I want this. I SO want this. But, before we go any further, I'm still gonna need to hear you say it."

"Huh?" Alex blinked groggily. She instinctively caressed the hands that cupped her face as she worked to decipher Piper's request. She radiated the thrill of success when she understood. "Oh, right. That...'Marzipan', Pipes. 'Marzipan'."

Piper hastily withdrew her hands to untie Alex's robe, exposing an inviting expanse of alabaster skin. Admiring the view, she acknowledged the safe word with a simple, "Yes, please."


End file.
